I am tired today because _________.
I get so tired of saying I’m tired. It sounds whiny, repetitive, and it packs no punch. Who isn’t tired in the adult world?
But MS tired is different. It’s like working all day digging ditches and developing the flu. It’s like getting your battery down to zero before getting out of bed, and then using that battery way past negative. There simply isn’t any more to give.
And the dumbest things make me feel tired. Taking a shower requires an hour recovery, especially if I wash my hair and shave my legs. Some days I just skip the shower and avoid public, because I really need that energy to, I don’t know, breathe?
I have to say, I feel better when I read other MSer’s reasons for being tired. It’s validating to hear others have issues and I’m not just a freak. Because let’s face it, if you have MS you feel like some of the symptoms you describe are freakish. One of my feet turns purple often. And it’s not always the same foot. I get this weird face flush that makes me look embarrassed/overheated/drunk when I am none of the above. So telling a friend that I’m tired because I left the house today just doesn’t sound plausible.
But that’s what I did. I literally left the house to drive five minutes away, pick up my son, went curbside at Chick-Fil-A and we ate lunch in the car. And since it’s July in the Southeastern US, it was about 95 degrees Fahrenheit with humidity equivalent to breathing a nice lungful of soup. I have AC in the car, and in the garage where I park the car.
And of course, some of my tired is Leftover Tired, which MSers will know all to well. That means I’m still reeling from yesterday, when my physical therapist ran me through the things which he believes will keep me moving and hopefully improve that movement. Leftover Tired is like a loyalty card, except there’s punishment instead of reward when the card is full.
And so I have complained. Now let me look at a positive to keep things nice and balanced (-ish): I have enough energy to write this post. And I must say, that is a Daunting Task (to be covered in a future post) because I have procrastinated over minutiae about this blog for months. A dear friend of mine encouraged me to forget the details and just write, for which I am truly grateful. My Tribe helps me so much more than I could ever express.
So it looks like I have a few new topics for my next posts. The first step really is the hardest, I suppose.
-TJ