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Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.”
Tennessee Williams
There are probably a billion articles on the importance of socialization for mental and emotional health. There are probably quite a few on how that is magnified by a chronic illness. MS is no exception; in fact, I would say it’s a disease that can be inherently lonely. Most of the people around us probably don’t have MS, and can empathize but can’t truly relate to our symptoms. Some of us lose energy to get out and socialize, or mobility, or just the drive to do so. “I don’t wanna people today” is one of my most common refrains.
But, like that nasty medicine you had to take as a kid, it’s gonna be a whole lot better if you do “people”. Here’s the fun part: it doesn’t always have to be out in the world. Yes, I know I should occasionally poke my head out the door and integrate with the world, but some days that’s just more than I can muster. So I have online friends, real life friends that do Zoom calls or texting, and friends that just trade goofy Instagram vids with me. The whole shebang, so to speak. Don’t get me wrong, sushi on the patio of my fave restaurant with a buddy is the bee’s knees, but we do what we can when we can.
These friends are included in the larger group of people I like to call my Tribe. That Beatles song, “I get by with a little help from my friends” illustrates the concept perfectly. My Tribe includes the people I call when I need to vent; the other parents with whom I share carpool duties for school and social activities (cause I want my son to keep his Tribe close too); the family members who I can depend on no matter what; heck, even my physical therapists are in the outer circles of my Tribe.
All these people help me keep myself grounded, sane, and able to do things that I could not do alone in any capacity. And why would I want to? The idea of being a superwoman is fantastic in theory – work from sunup to sundown, balancing all the plates of family, job, life with grace and style in perfect harmony with her inner self. Sometimes when I listen to angry music this is the image in my head that I’m burning and it makes me intensely happy. (I live through music; we’ll talk about that another day!)
There’s no award for doing all the things alone. There’s not enough hours in the day to do all the things exactly the way I want them. And I don’t have enough hands. Or a clone. If I’m being honest, I don’t even wanna do all the things, I wanna be in my pillow fort coloring, thank you very much.
Hence, my Tribe. I like to think it’s a give and take, though I often think I get the better end of the deal because they have no idea how much their small actions can mean to me. I bounce ideas and feelings off them, and they do the same with me. We have real conversations, where we listen to each other in turn. We solve problems, or give it our best shot and open a bottle of wine. Whatever! (Life is too short to obsess over every battle, right?)
I wouldn’t want to walk this path alone. I cannot for the life of me find the author, but I read a quote once that sums it up perfectly:
Life ain’t no parade, but we all got to get down the street one way or another, so we might as well dance. -Unknown
C’mon Tribe, we’ve dancing to do. After I take a nap. 🙂
-TJ